My thoughts

The Wonderful World of Online dating

It is difficult enough to be single in middle age. As a child, you are brought up with very specific images of what life as an adult should be and what your relationships should look like. With all of the Hollywood movies (not just Disney) depicting happy endings giving you visions of grandeur, it is easy to feel slighted when things don’t work out that way for you.

Recovering from lost love in middle age (if it is true love) is a long and hard road. It cannot happen overnight and will most definitely leave you with some strong opinions on what you will and won’t accept the next time around. The later in life this separation from true love happens to you, the stronger these opinions will be and the more close minded you will become towards any new potential mate you might meet.  To compound matters, if you start looking for a new mate too soon after a lost love; the new person in your life will never measure up to your high expectations.  The relationship will no doubt ultimately fail with all the grace and dignity of Trump’s next tweet.

So let’s say you have gone through all the stages of grief. You have healed, recovered, found yourself and done everything needed. You are finally ready to put yourself back out into the dating pool and see what happens. What a shock you get. It’s like doing a running headfirst slide into Cooperstown on a Bad Bet.  Gone are the days of meeting someone in real life. Gone are the days of your friends and family setting you up. Gone are the days of randomly bumping into someone in the grocery store and striking up a conversation.  Nope, nope, nope…just does not happen in today’s world.

In order to date in today’s current social realm, you must become a master of marketing. You must have a degree in psychology. You must be journeyman photographer and a world-renowned novelist all rolled into one.  Why you ask? Well because in order to date you must now sell yourself in the online dating world. Only the best and the brightest get hand picked.  Your pictures need to be 100% real yet show you in the perfect light. Your description must be positive and upbeat explaining your most valuable assets and qualities and when giving a brief description of what you seek to find in a mate; you must not be rude, forceful or negative in any way.

As a woman in this online dating world, you can expect to get an ungodly amount of dick pics and messages hitting you up for hookups and one night stands. Of men asking for your phone number just so they can then text you and harass you asking for nude photos of yourself. Or the ones that just wish to discuss sex while beating around the bush hoping to push you into phone sex or sexting. These kinds of actions are commonplace and abundant; there is no getting around it. These are the men that do not read your profile. They do not care how you feel or what you desire. It is all about them and what pleasure you can invoke on them in the moment based entirely on your 100% decent profile photos.

You also find what I like to call the ‘cuddlers’ these are the ones who insist they will be a gentleman and not force you into anything you don’t want to do until you desire and ask for it. But they insist that cuddling or spooning is NOT sex nor a sexual act. If it was just cuddling as a woman see’s it, they might be correct. But most men want to fondle your boobs or raise their hand just a bit too far up your thighs during the said act. This most definitely is a sexual act. It invades your personal space, especially in the beginning. These are the men who love to talk a good talk, but when it comes down to it, they are constantly bringing up sex and how they respect women. Well my dear fellows, if you do in fact respect women, why even bring the subject up at all? Why not wait until the woman brings it up? Why grab her boob during a cuddling session? 

 Then you have the jaded, downtrodden, disheartened and bitter types. In their first greeting to you they say something like, “Hi, I know I don’t have a chance with you because this site sucks and all the women on it just want to play games, but you seem nice.”  or “Hello, I just had to tell you that you are the perfect dream. You are the only thing missing from my life please can I have your number?”

Then there are those that are so sure of themselves they have you married off to them in the first 2 or 3 messages greeting you with, “Darlin, today you met the perfect man. I will never lie to you, cheat on you or treat you bad. You can count on me. We will be so happy together. When can we meet up?”  

Next are those aloof guys that give you one-word greetings and answers to everything making it hard to get a true handle on who they are or to be able to hold a conversation with them. You lose interest really quickly when you have to struggle just to have a conversation.

Guy, “Hello”
Girl, “Hi”
Guy, “how are you?”
Girl, “Oh I am great. It is such a beautiful day today. Thank you for asking. How are you”
Guy, “Fine”
Girl, “What kind of work do you do?”
Guy, “Construction”
Girl, “Oh wow, that is cool. I would love to be able to work outside all day in the sun.”
Guy, “Yup”
Girl, “What are you doing today, any special plans?”
Guy, “Nope”

If you are lucky enough to work through all of these idjits with the patience of a saint you might get one or two nibbles from an actual ‘good guy’ a gentleman. Someone who has read every word of your profile, looked at all your pictures and found you interesting and intriguing and would truly love to know more. This is the gem, the cream of the crop, the one you don’t want to let get away. You have intelligent conversations that stimulate your mind as well as starting a little spark. You desire to know more about this person, start to trust this person because they have treated you with kindness and respect. You exchange phone numbers, text for a while on the phone, get in a voice chat or two and finally set up a date. Then one of a few things happen,

  • 1) for some reason or another one or both of you are not attracted to each other in person and the cycle starts all over again. 
  • 2) he likes you and you like him but he either demands or implies that now that you have met in person, you may not talk to any other guy let alone date another guy and should delete your profile. But it is perfectly okay for him to keep his because you never know. Or he has friends on there he wishes to talk too still, but you cannot do the same.
  • 3)  You both like each other, have a great time and agree to see each other again and take it one step at a time.
  •  4) You have a good time, you both enjoy the date. But for whatever reason, neither of you contact the other person again afterward. Or one party does contact the other but is blown off without explanation. 

With all this in mind, it is best to keep an open mind when putting a profile up on an online dating site. It is the same story no matter what site you use. There will be freaks, geeks, and sweetcheeks. Gentleman and rogues. Don’t take any comments you get seriously, have faith in yourself and what you want. Self-confidence is very attractive no matter your size. Stay away from negative remarks yourself either in comments or in your profile. Most of all, have fun. Experience the journey with a smile. Don’t be afraid to take a leap of faith should you find someone you really click with and most of all trust your gut and choices. You won’t go wrong because even negative experiences and failures are a chance for personal growth and knowledge.   Happy Hunting Singles~~~~




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