My thoughts

The Buoy


(Image used taken from Buoyage – WikiVisually)

To say I have had more than enough pain in my life would be a gross understatement. I am almost lost to even try to begin to explain all that I have seen and experienced. The highs and lows are like a buoy floating on rough waters. It’s pushed around and battered by the waves, yet continues to stand anchored in place. A beacon of hope in a cold, lonely and brutal environment. It asks for nothing while bouncing around ruthlessly. Yet somehow it stands tall and proud in the calm.

I consider myself this buoy of sorts. For I keep going through the midst of never-ending turmoil, yet I stand firm enough to be anchored and flexible enough to float around with the waves. I ask for nothing but to get through it all intact knowing I cannot control other people and their actions no more than I can control certain situations. So when all is said and done, I stand, gather myself and move on to another day.

Oh sure, I have my moment of sadness where I cry as the tidal wave washes over me. It is perfectly natural. I own those feelings, admit I am hurting and quietly in silence I let it all come crashing out. But that is all it is; a moment in time. I refuse to let it overtake me. I refuse to succumb to the darkness within the storm. For a storm passes, the sun shines again. I will not become a victim with a victim mentality. I will not wallow. No way, I am a survivor!

Instead of feeling emotionally overwhelmed at the absurdities procured during my journey, I will look back on those events with a clear head and conscious. I will remain calm and dignified. Most of all, I will use my experiences for good. I seek to help others that may find comfort knowing they too can make it through whatever they are going through.

I am fully aware this entire thing sounds cliche. I myself used to hate when I heard others talk like this. When they tried to be encouraging. I used to feel like they just did not understand what I was going through. That they could not possibly know the pain, the hurt, the betrayal, the isolation I felt.

On many occasions, I put myself deeper into the storm by not accepting the life raft that was offered. I extended my own suffering by allowing myself to remain in the darkness.  I wanted someone to rescue me but failed to realize I needed to stand on my own two feet and rescue myself.  Is everything running smoothly now? Is life magically better and without pain and suffering now that I have had this awakening of sorts? The answer is a huge resounding NO!

There will always be conflict. There will always be problems to solve and issues to contend with. Why? Because not only are we humans, we deal with other humans and humans are by nature complex creatures who cannot always agree or act appropriately. Quite simply, we mess up and sometimes those mess ups are huge and affect other humans.

What gets us through these times of trouble are the skills we acquire throughout life. We get these skills from a number of places and if used, can be life-saving. Sometimes we need help to acquire these skills. This is perfectly okay and we should never feel ashamed for reaching out for the help we need. I for one am most thankful for my daughter’s wonderful therapist who has also taken me under her wing and helped me to soar, change and grow.  For she has helped me become the buoy. Now, I can reach out and teach others what she has so wonderfully taught me. Let us all become buoys.




5 replies »

  1. I ABSOLUTELY love this. The metaphor you use to explain your pain (and happiness) is so well-constructed. Thank you so much for sharing. It’s definitely not cliché – so many people are against sharing their thoughts, and emotions, and so we bury them deep inside. I hope writing this piece gave you strength and some sense of clarity. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

    • If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
      Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
      If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

      I LOVE this poem. Thank you for the suggestion. I looked it up right away and I am not disappointed. Annette, you have been an inspiration to me for several days now since I started keeping my blog up again. Your words and comments encourage me to continue on. I find myself looking forward to reading any comments you leave on my posts. So thank you.


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