To say yesterday was a very bad day would be an incorrect phrase. Instead, I will say that yesterday was a very MOODY day. I woke up in a right fine mood laughing and joking with my daughter and my roommate’s son as I drove them to school. However, at some point on the drive home after safely delivering them to their destination mother nature took hold with her temperamental attitude.
She often does this in this here state of Michigan. Where in the span of a day we can have near blizzard conditions closing down all the roads and businesses, to thunderstorms and ending one day with sunshine at the beach all snow having already melted away. Yup, my mood changes yesterday definitely mimicked my home state’s weather patterns.
By midday, I was easily flustered with a short fuse and quite snappy. I took out this fluctuation of mood patterns on a very dear friend who had the pleasure of spending the afternoon with me. Pleasure? hmm… not exactly the correct term. More like misfortune. Thank goodness this was an online occurrence and not an in-person one. Not that this experience was any less traumatizing for the poor man. I am so very sorry Neil for my incompatible nature yesterday. You truly did not deserve my wrath.
Luckily, this morning Neil was more than willing to not only verbally accept my apologies, but also spend several hours with me talking about ME. Yup, our only subject this morning was me in all my imperfect glory. This man spent several hours listening to my apology, my excuse, my totally non-sensical ramblings about life and my blog. Imparting his wisdom and knowledge into the mix we ended our conversation on quite good terms today. I am thankful, blessed and humbled by his friendship which helps me grow as a fellow human.
Back to yesterday. I know the reason my mood patterns were so erratic yesterday. I am detoxing off of anti-depressants. Not by choice, but because of our lovely medical insurance system. You see, I had Medicare and Medicaid both. Whatever one did not cover, the other one would pick up. This allowed me the luxury of not worrying about a co-pay at an office visit or on my prescriptions. But for some reason, after the first of the year, Medicaid stopped coving anything. They won’t pick up co-pays at doctor’s visits nor on my prescriptions. As far as I know, I have not been canceled or removed from the program. My insurance is still there. It is straight Medicaid and I have no spindown amount. So there is absolutely no reason for them not to pick up these co-pays or stop paying. Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about it.
So I sit here having to cancel all further doctor’s appointments and no longer being able to afford my prescriptions. Not a good thing at this moment as I am still dealing with my TBI and suppose to be going to the doctor’s 4x per week still. This set me off yesterday and I was in a right fine mood let me tell you. On top of that, my roommate came to me and revealed she had been fired from her job, therefore, is now unsure how she will be able to pay her portion of the rent. Lovely! Perfect! Awesome! Wonderful! Yup, I am smiling and I am good now.
I allowed myself my moments yesterday to just live in whatever emotion I felt at the time. But where I went wrong was in taking my frustration out on others. I do, however, forgive myself. I realize that every human on this earth has their good days and bad days and that I need to be my own stabilizer. My own advocate. My own inspiration. I have the controls. I have the knowledge. I have the correct mindset. Therefore, I will succeed in changing the outcome of my emotions.
Because of these tools I have at my disposal, I am in a much better place today. I accept my actions and own the responsibility and subsequent outcomes. I can be who I allow myself to be. The situations I find myself in now will not control the mood I put forth or the type of energy I amass into the world.
A funny analogy about my mood swings yesterday that you might or might not enjoy is something that had me laughing while talking to Neil this morning to rectify our friendship.
He called it getting rid of the POOP in our lives. I laughed and elaborated saying yesterday was a runny mess of a day where I felt like I had diarrhea. I let it all flow naturally as it came and did not fight the urges to go. Today I am regulated. Back to normal and everything is coming out as it should.
If you think about this analogy logically, it makes perfect sense. Maybe even more so than the weather analogy. There are days where we will feel like we have an emotional diarrhea of sorts. We won’t be able to control these days and everything will be a flowing runny mess. It is in these times the support of friends and family are most desired. Just as if we were physically sick and needing to be taken care of. If we have no support system in place, no one to hold our hand through these times, it is natural for us to become discombobulated and distraught.
Then there will be days where we are constipated, stuffed up and emotionally unconnected to the outside world. On these days we seemingly have no emotions to anything at all. Things just roll right off and we are able to maintain, if not miserably, some semblance of a normal structure to our life. We just simply put… are there. Things are not being taken care of on these days as we just don’t care. We allow stresses to build up forming a blockage. We bottle these blockages up deep inside not wanting them to come out letting them grow into huge masses. For we are aware when they do come out, it is going to be one hot mess of a moment. Our bums are going to regret having been constipated and will become sore and irritated. Oh, the hemorrhoids!!! Again, having the family and friends to support, nurture and love us is desired. However, it is not as detrimental to our well-being on our constipated days.
Finally, we have our regulated days. Our ‘normal’ days. The days where we are perfectly imperfect in our own special way. We have everything flowing and rolling nicely and all just falls into place as it should. We enjoy these days to the fullest and all wish to be in these types of days all the time. Life is good and we know it, we accept it. The good, the bad, the indifferent. It is all humbling on these days and we are at our best putting one foot in front of the other moving in a forward motion at all times. We relish these days and happily share them with family and friends.
Mindfulness! That is the key word on any given day. MINDFULNESS! Is the art of being aware of ourselves, our moods, our emotions, our actions and our reactions. We can successfully navigate our poopy situations if we are mindfully aware of them. If we live with intention. My challenge to myself and all of you is to be more mindful of what kind of POOP day are you having? What caused your day to be such? Is there anything you personally can do to bring about the type of poopful day you desire? Just food for thought.