My thoughts

Illusions of a Perfect Life – Pt 2




The road can be unknown and icy at times. However, it is not a reflection of our nature and should not define us. ~Cheynoea


I left off Illusions of a Perfect Life Pt 1 at the birth of our daughter. Once we were able to come home and I healed from the surgery it was time for me to go back to work. You see, my husband was disabled so I was the breadwinner supporting the family. We had decided together that instead of putting the kids in daycare, he would take care of them since he was home anyway.

As with everything in life, I had shared with my husband, my past experiences of being abused by a family member who was often my babysitter growing up. How I could not let my kids out of my sight for fear that something would happen to them. My husband was kind, caring, compassionate and thoughtful of all of my emotions surrounding this subject. We spent countless nights just talking about this one subject and how it messed me up in my head. He was truly interested in helping me move past this part of my life. He asked questions, gave feedback and had a genuine nurturing nature that lifted my spirits.  He was more than willing to care for our family and ease my mind that the children were safe at home where they should be. This made it easy for me to return to work.

For years things were really good. It was the perfect life with the perfect family and the perfect couple. We owned our own successful business, my dream house, and cars. Our children were well taken care of, clothed, fed and happy. We attended church regularly, in fact, several times a week for services, bible studies, women’s or men’s groups, youth and children’s activities. We volunteered for all church activities and … We Were Happy!

All of this happiness was sure not to last and it didn’t. A young adult woman with some family and mental issues from our church whom we had been helping out, accused my husband of making a pass at her one day while I was not around. She had gone to the pastor of our church and claimed my husband was walking around our house in his underwear in front of her and making little comments she took as a sexual nature. He was called into a meeting at the church and asked me to attend with him. I agreed, knowing this was a fabricated story.

As the Bible stated and the word said, I stood by my husband. I believed in my husband. Not that I needed the extra confirmation of this being a lie, but I even had my then 10-year-old son, tell me this was a blatant lie. He was home on the day this was to have taken place. As close as my husband and I were sharing everything, there is no way I could conceive that such a thing had occurred.

Upon our arrival at the church, the day of the meeting, I was told I would not be allowed in the room and asked to leave the building. That it would be the woman, my husband, the pastor and the pastor’s wife only. When my husband refused to attend the meeting with these ‘rules,’ they agreed to let me sit outside the room in the hall and leave the door open so I could hear everything. But I was not allowed to participate. To this day I will never understand the pastor’s reasoning for this. I know in my heart that had the shoe been on the other foot, he and his wife would never agree to such a thing. Other couples in the church would not agree to this either. But we respected them and felt it would be okay.

The outcome of the meeting was neither good or bad. My husband had asked the young woman in front of the pastor and his wife several times why she was doing this, why she was lying about him, and what purpose it would serve? She could not give a straight direct answer claiming she was nervous to respond. My husband brought up that the kids were home and at least one of them was old enough to give an accurate recounting of the events as they happened in an effort to find the truth.

Again, this was shot down by the pastor and his wife saying this was an adult matter. In the end, my husband did get the woman to admit she lied about him wearing his underwear but could not get her to admit he did not make sexual passes at her. In an effort to keep the peace, the pastor asked him if he could at least agree that there was a misunderstanding. My husband respectfully complied and gave an apology stating, “I am unaware of anything I may have said that gave you this impression or idea. I do apologize to you if there was though and hope we can agree to let this be the end of it.” All parties agreed and the meeting was over.

The whole thing was surreal and over the top in my opinion. After hearing everything that was said in the meeting, I felt the girl may have come on to my husband and been shot down. She then felt slighted and angry and sought revenge.

I did feel some measure of comfort knowing she admitted to lying about him walking around in his underwear, however, as we often do I allowed little seeds of doubt to be planted in my head. Human nature dictates that once these seeds are planted, you work tirelessly to remove them and keep them from growing and spreading. They are pesky little buggers with a life of their own. If left unchecked, will take over the garden. In this case the head.

We had never been through anything like this and I had never questioned my husbands love and loyalty prior. This was not so easy to do post meeting even though my husband maintained his innocence and the woman could not give an accurate account of events. So I did the only thing I could do and buried these doubts believing in my husband and our marriage.





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