Non-Fiction

Mothers and Their Children

*Repost*

This is an article I originally wrote and posted MARCH 12, 2015. I am choosing to post it again because it is a subject I feel needs to be heard, an opinion that needs to be said, a life experience that need to be shared. So often in life we feel that what we are experiencing is unique to just us. That no one could possibly understand our turmoil.

Mother’s especially feel this when experiencing their children growing up. I want every mother out there to know that they are not alone. What you experience is a natural progression of the life cycle. So read this article in its entirety. Soak it all into your deepest core. Let it resonate with you until you understand that you have done nothing wrong. You are not a failure as a parent, in fact, quite the opposite. You are a wonderful, kind, caring, nurturing, loving, forgiving, and compassionate human being. Transitions are hard to accept but hang in there, I promise it will get better. I have added a few more thoughts to the end of the original article. Things I had wish I had included in the original. I hope you enjoy!

Now here is the original article

A mother’s love starts the moment they get the news they are pregnant. They give up things their children will never understand or know. Just in order to allow their baby to grow healthy inside of them. They go through tremendous pain during labor. Then lose hours and days of sleep caring for and nurturing their child.

During the growing up years, they teach their children everything they need to know about life and guide them in the right direction. Their hopes and dreams for their children’s success in life burst with possibilities. They worry and fret constantly over dangers or wrong turns their children might put themselves into. They do everything in their power to protect their children from harm and do not wish their children to follow in their own footsteps. Rather they want their children to excel past where they have been able to go.

They hurt when they see their children making mistakes and as the ‘forever teacher’ mentality in them will always exist, they are quick to point out where their children are going wrong. In hopes that it will guide their children back to a place of enjoyable healthy living.

When their children are young, the children count on and depend upon their parents for everything. Making their parents especially their mothers the NUMBER one being in their lives. A bond like no other forms within this little private social grouping of mother and child. The mother swells with joy and the child beams with excitement and wonder in the safety of the confines of their mother’s arms.

The child grows becoming increasingly independent. Forming their own thoughts, views, and opinions based on what they are taught and what they experience while under their mothers’ care. They all too quickly wish to strike out on their own as soon as they are able. Wishing to grow up and ‘cut those strings.’ Feeling confined as time goes on. Even held back in a way, like a prisoner in their own homes. Like a never-ending story, a tug-o-war is set on fire inside them. Once their homes were a place of refuge and comfort as all they sought was their mother’s arms, now the doors and windows are barred in their minds and that refuge is now a bottomless pit of imprisonment as they wish to run far far away.

The children all go through this stage of trying to find their own individual place in this world. They stand confused for an undetermined period of time as the conflict inside of them wages war. It is so hard to run, but so hard to stay! To grow up and take on the challenges of adulthood and all of the responsibilities that come with it. Blaming their parents (especially their mothers) for everything going wrong in their lives. The words “If only you ….. believed in me,” “If you cut me some slack,” “If there weren’t so many rules,” playing over and over in their heads. Planting seeds of distrust and anger growing their desire to step out into the great unknown. Yet not realizing that it is NOT their mothers that have changed, but THEM that have changed. Their mother is still the same loving, nurturing and caring soul she has been since their seed was planted in her. However, instead of loving, respecting and admiring they have a mother that cares about them; they now dislike, disrespect, and even hate their mothers. They have this ill-conceived notion that their mothers should automatically ‘get over’ their protecting nature and allow them the freedom to do as they please. As if their mother’s had an actual superpower that allows them to turn off those mothering traits.

This struggle lasts as long as the child themselves wishes it to last. Sometimes years and yes, it is sad to say sometimes forever! As long as this natural resentment plays a role in this relationship on the child’s part, nothing will change.

However, what is so very important to note is that in a healthy mother/child relationship that is based on a solid foundation of nurturing and love while the child was growing up. After the resentment stage is over, and once the child comes to a point of maturity; a light bulb literally goes off in their minds. They start realizing it was them all along. Their mothers may not act in ways they wish, but they do act out of love and concern. Their mother is still there with open arms to greet them, guide them, nurture them, and most of all love them.

With these changes in place, the relationship can quickly begin anew. Sparking one of mutual love, respect and caring. The turmoil is over, the fight has been won. Just remember mother’s, you must NOT bring up anything to do with the time of separation. You cannot hold your children’s actions against them from this time period. You must be able to cast it aside and be thankful for the fresh, mature, loving start of a new era.

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